16 years...

Basketball season is over for everyone I know. The Mount played their final game against Bluffton, my brother's high school team finished their season with a sectional loss on Saturday, my former high school team finished their season Friday as sectional runners-up ((which hasn't been done in probably 10 years... :o) so good job ladies)) and basketball season is over for me. For good? I'm not sure yet. I've had 16 good years of playing. I can remember all the way back to my first days on a recreational team with 11 clumsy, little 5-year olds eager to go and run up and down a court even though none of us fully understood the game or had the strength to consistently make a jump shot. When one of us did score, every parent in the gym cheered, even the parents of the other team. And I can remember as I got older (and taller), my dad would work with me in the driveway. For some reason, I can remember this odd, purple and green windsuit that I wore out there all the time to practice and shoot in. My dad and I would play "p-i-g" and 'around the world' for hours and even though at the time, I didn't see any difference in my game, others did. By the time I was 12, I can remember my last year of rec basketball, playing on a team with girls I had played with for the last 4 or 5 years. We had never been very good. I can remember the coach never taking me out of the game because I was 5'10" in the sixth grade and every play revolved around me either rebounding someone's missed shot or them throwing the ball up to me, catching it, and putting it in the basket. We won the Metro recreational championship that year which as I looked back on it was remarkable because for years, our team struggled to even win 2 or 3 games a season and now, we had won a championship and little trophies to go along with it. I think thats when I realized I had gotten better, that all the times I spent in the driveway with my dad really meant something, and that maybe I had actually gotten better. I wouldn't ever play with these girls again. The following year, we entered junior high and with one school team, I was the only girl on that recreational team that made it. I realize now that I might not have made that team if it wasn't for the help of those clumsy 5-year olds I played with who kept the game fun and exciting and the parents who cheered with every scored basket when we won games by a final score of 10-12. I realize I might not have made that junior high team without those recreational teammates who I celebrated with by going to UDF for ice cream after a victory. They made basketball fun and enjoyable. I can remember most of the girls I played with: Niki, Olivia, Whitney, Ashley, Amber, Becky, Alex, Annie and Coach Bob. They were my best friends growing up and they kept basketball what it should be: fun. It wasn't full of pressure; the yelling parents (back then) were funny and a normal part of the game, we practiced one day a week and played one game on Sundays. Basketball was the funnest part of my life but it didn't consume my life. I can't say the same thing now for the last few years of my basketball career. I feel like I've let basketball consume me. It was the only thing I worried about, thought about, dreamt about. The t-shirt that says "Basketball is Life. The rest is just details"... I own it and I lived it. In the sixth grade, basketball practice was the highlight of the week. I would come home from school and couldn't stop talking about basketball practice and getting ready to go and when my dad and I came home from practice, I couldn't stop thinking about it and playing my game on Sunday, but as the week wore on, I would focus on school, Sarah's birthday party on Saturday, homework, playing with my brother. Life didn't revolve around basketball; basketball was a part of life. And I loved it. As time has gone on, the way I look at basketball has changed. In high school, especially by my junior and senior year, everything centered on college basketball. Visiting schools, getting recruited, getting good test scores, playing well, sending out schedules and talking to coaches. Still, in high school, I can say that my happiest times were always on the hardwood. I can remember games as a freshman when I felt so privileged to be announced as the starting varsity center and I can remember my mom and dad so excited when I came home to tell them I was the only freshman to make varsity. I can remember games my sophomore season when we didn't win very many games, but I loved my teammates and my coaches. I can remember senior night that year when I spent hours decorating for my three best friends and cried my eyes out when they walked in, hugging and thanking me. I can remember my junior and senior years as a captain and hearing my name announced would electrify me. And I can remember my senior year when my dad was in the hospital and I had a big game. I didn't know whether or not to play that night, but I visited my dad in the hospital and I'll never forget him saying to me that my team needed me to win and that he wanted me to be there because he didn't know any place that I would be happier. And as much as I didn't want to leave his side, I went to my basketball game. What was probably the most surreal basketball game I've ever played in, I couldn't look back on it and tell you any specific plays or shots I made or any rebounds I got. Every time the game stopped, it was like I could hear my dad in my ear telling me to keep going and coming out of a timeout, I remember seeing him in his hospital bed. I didn't know until the next day that I had set a career high in points and rebounds because that night, that court was more than just an arena for competition. It was a place of peace. It was a place where I felt at home and I felt safe even when so many things felt like they were crumbling outside of it. It was my domain where I felt in control when so many things weren't. When everything else was out of my hands, a basketball seemed to fit into them perfectly. That's when basketball became more than a game or an activity for me. It became my solace. I found something I never had that year with basketball and it was the greatest year I've ever had. It was filled with ups and downs, highs and lows, but I gained and learned more that year than I ever have in my life. I think since college basketball began for me, I've lost sight of that. When I entered college, basketball began to feel like an obligation, a duty. The morning regimens, mile runs, the coordinated meals, coordinated outfits. The politics of the team, power struggles within it, and the win/loss column seemed to consume our minds and somewhere in the last 3 years, I've lost the peace, comfort and solace I once found on the basketball court. The joy is gone. And it saddens me. I love basketball. I can go to the gym with my ipod blasting in my ears and shoot for hours. It's probably the most relaxing, calming, meditative thing I know of. I think about my worries, my fears, my angers. I run, I jump, I shoot and everything else seems to melt away. The longer I'm in the gym, the more I feel alive and in love with basketball. Is basketball season over me? Yes, my playing days may be over, but my love and passion of basketball is not and I want to give as much of that passion and experience to others as I can. After 16 years of playing the game, I want to begin teaching it. Coaching it. Making other young girls feel the same passion, peace and solace within the game that I did. I want girls to look back as they get older and not say that Coach Smith made them better basketball players (which I am confident that I will do) but that they'll see what's really important is what they gained mentally and emotionally. I want my players to feel like I taught them life's most important lessons: the same ones that I found in my years on the basketball court and I hope that they carry on the love for the game for generations to come.

Playing, Learning, Growing at Kenyon

I played at Kenyon College in Gambier, Ohio my freshman year of college. It's a school about 2 and a half to 3 hours away from home but it had its positives. It was a new Ivy League school which meant that my degree would look very nice and it would be very challenging for me. Probably one thing that impressed me most on my visit was the amazing new athletic facility. The $150 million facility was just opened midway through the season prior to my arrival and it rivaled many small division 1 schools in its size and ammenities. I loved the coach more than anything. She visited me at my high school my senior year and talked with me for 3 hours as we sat cramped up in an empty guidance counselor's office. The minute I left our meeting and went back to class, I was ecstatic. I knew I wanted to go to school there and couldn't wait to tell my parents, coaches, and friends about the school and everything it had to offer. More than anything, I couldn't wait to visit the school, meet the team, and see them play. The campus was everything I had hoped and more. It was beautiful, so beautiful, in fact, that my freshman year, CosmoGirl voted it the most beautiful campus in America. It's old, gothic looking buildings are gorgeous, with stained glass windows and statuettes everywhere. Middle Path is a gravel path that runs from one end of campus to the other, a mile long that stays lit up so you can walk it at all hours.

The year that I spent here made me so much more aware of people and diversity. My roommate was from London, England. Girls in my hall hailed from Orange County, California to Chicago, from Boston to Nashville, from New York to Africa. Kenyon Lady basketball taught me to love diversity, be patient and tolerant of other people's values and differences, and to appreciate and love where I came from. Being away from my family made me appreciate them so much more. I thought my senior year that more than anything I just wanted to get out of Milford and go as far away as I could get. It proved to be wrong. I wouldn't see my parents for months and when they did come bearing gifts, it was like Christmas came early. I never called my mom and dad so many times or got so many letters and packages in the mail. I love and miss my Kenyon Ladies and all my friends from far-off places. I miss that diversity and community feeling. It seems that basketball has led me to some pretty crazy places. I would have never known about Kenyon yet alone spent a year of my life there if I wasn't interested in playing college basketball and my coach had never come to my high school to talk and visit with me. It's crazy how something as simple as basketball can take you to so many places, allow you to meet new people and teach you so many things.

Virgin Islands

Our Little Stow-away

After our final game on Saturday against Bluffton (you don't have to ask how we did.. .it was the same as the previous 10 games), but anyway, after the game, we quickly got on the bus to complete a mission we had been waiting to do all year:

Stick our smallest team member, Abby LaRosa in the compartments above the seats and proceed to convince our coach that we couldn't find Abby and we didn't want to leave her at Bluffton.

Well, mission accomplished.

We swiftly got her up there and she found it remarkably comfortable, which was good considering she would be up there for the next 25 or 30 minutes, until Coach got on the bus and starting counting team members. Abby actually found it so comfortable that she fell asleep while our team and the mens basketball team loaded the bus.

When coach asked if we were all on the bus, we just looked around and said, "I think so..." and she said if we had everyone, we could go.. we said, "I don't think Abby is on the bus!" She got up and looked back at her seat to find she was missing. This may have been a little funnier and a well played prank if we hadn't just lost. Mel wasn't in the mood to get off the bus and find her in the school so she told us that one or two better be getting off the bus to find her. We all sat there for little bit in silence and looking at each other, before I finally stood up and popped open the compartment above my seat like I was getting my bag out and in turn, Abby popped her head out of the compartment and gave Coach the peace sign.

I don't know who was more surprised, Coach or the guys on the mens team who didn't know she was up there. One guy's mouth dropped when he saw Abby's head pop out of the overhead compartment. It was pretty hilarious. Mel laughed it off and then told the bus driver to leave before we even got Abby out of the bag storage. She wanted to get the heck out of Bluffton faster than even we did.

Big Pink Thanks

The Think Pink game turned out to be a huge success. I think we had the most fans come out to support our team than we have ever had. Not only that, but we almost pulled off what would have been our biggest comeback all season. We were losing to the #1 team in the conference, Transylvania University, by 17 points at halftime and trailed by our largest margin of 21 early in the second half before posting a come from behind effort. Leading by 5 with almost 1:30 to play, we failed to score a basket in the closing minutes and Transy pulled ahead on a jumper by Jackie Distler with 10 seconds to go. We got a good look at a basket with one second on the clock and it just didn't fall. We lost by a score of 77-76.



After the game, we went out and took pictures with everyone who was at the game and wearing pink, some of whom were breast cancer survivors. Others were fans there supporting our last home game of the season. I want to thank all of the great fans, family and community members who came to show support. It was greatly appreciated even in a losing effort.

My Family's Battle with Cancer

"Cancer can take away all of my physical abilities. It cannot touch my mind, it cannot touch my heart, and it cannot touch my soul. And those three things are going to carry on forever."
-Jimmy V

A little over a year ago, I lost my grandma to a battle with cancer in December 2007. Because I played my freshman season three hours away at Kenyon College, she never got to see me play a college basketball game. That may be one of my biggest regrets. I know she's watching from up above but it still breaks my heart that she never saw a game.

Ever felt an angel's breath in the gentle breeze? A teardrop in the falling rain? Hear a whisper amongst the rustle of leaves? Or been kissed by a lone snowflake? Nature is an angel's favorite hiding place. -Carrie Latet

My Guardian Angel

Dear Angel ever at my side,

how lovely you must be---

To leave your home in heaven,

to guard a child like me.

When I'm far away from home,

or maybe hard at play--

I know you will protect me,

from harm along the way.

Your beautiful and shining face,

I see not, though you're near.

The sweetness of your lovely voice,

I cannot really hear.

When I pray, you're praying too,

Your prayer is just for me.

But, when I sleep you never do,

You're watching over me.

Before every game, during the National Anthem, I bow my head and pray. I pray for a number of things: for no one to get hurt, for us to win..., and oddly enough, every single game when I look at the flag, I see and think of my Grandma. I know she's there watching me and suddenly I feel a sense of peace. A lot of athletes have pre-game rituals and weird superstitions but that is mine. It's probably the only thing that's a constant before every game. I never stretch the same, warm up the same or do the same routines. I kind of like it that way. I work on whatever I feel isn't doing so well or working that day whether it's my inside game or my outside, my dribbling or my pull-up game. I stretch whatever muscle has decided to hurt that day and the music on my ipod is always changing and I never replay a playlist from a game we lost, but every game no matter how i'm feeling, what is ailing or who we're playing, I look at the flag, pray and think of my Grandma.

Jimmy V's Speech that Changed Everything

With our Think Pink night coming up and the recent death of Kay Yow, it reminded me of my high school playing days. During my sophomore season, my assistant coach showed me this video when our team needed some motivation during a rough patch of the season. The first time I watched it, I cried. I sat in my coach's office and couldn't help stop the tears rolling down my face. The video was of Coach Jim Valvano's 1993 Espy speech. If you've never seen or heard it, I'm posting it in my blog. Like Yow, Valvano coached at NC State and died of cancer after a long, successful career. This speech changed my outlook on basketball and my life.
*If it takes some extra time, please allow it to load and watch its full length. It's worth it.



Valvano wished with everything in his being that he could return the following year to award the Arthur Ashe Award. Unfortunately, less than two months after this speech, Jimmy V lost his battle with cancer.

Inspirational words from a great coach, Kay Yow

When life kicks you, let it kick you forward.
Attitude is the key to success.

Don't wallow in self pity, swish your feet and get out.
It's what's inside that counts.
You can't change the direction of the wind but you can adjust your sails.
Shake it off and step up. Don't panic.
A kite rises against the wind.
Give and Pray for others. Count your blessings.
Accept what you cannot change.
Think positive. Never, ever give up. Don't Quit.
With God nothing is impossible.
Spirits can be lifted together.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Live one moment at a time.

Be thankful everyday.

Think Pink Night at the Mount

On Wednesday, February 18, we are hosting our WBCA Pink Zone basketball game. We play the current #1 team in the conference, Transylvania University. All gate proceeds go towards breast cancer awareness and specifically, the Kay Yow Foundation.

Kay Yow was the head women's basketball coach at NC State from 1975-2009. With more than 700 career wins, Yow lost her battle with breast cancer just last month on January 24, 2009 that she had been fighting since 1987. In its obituary, the Charlotte Observer wrote, "Yow never lost her folksy, easygoing manner and refused to dwell on her health issues, though they colored everything she did almost as much as basketball. Ultimately, her philosophy on both was the same."

Yow planned her funeral before she died and recorded a 25-minute video to be played at her service. She thanked her supporters and ended by saying, "And now I say farewell, and it's been a wonderful journey, especially since the time I accepted Jesus as my lord and savior." Yow was a wonderful coach, a wonderful person and it's an honor and a joy to play in her name on Wednesday in a game that will benefit her foundation and honor her fight with breast cancer and all those who have won and lost in the same fight.

Numb

It's beginning to seem like the same old hat. Another loss and another and another. 5 straight losses since my last post. Hiram, Anderson, Rose Hulman, Hanover, and Manchester. I'm not putting down our team but it's starting to get old. Same things happening every game with no change. We've had team meetings and discussions about what we need to change, what needs to be fixed in order for us to beat these teams. We know we're not a bad team. We have more talent on our team than half the other HCAC teams but we still manage to come out with another L in the loss column after each games. Opposing coaches tell us that we're a good team. Transylvania's coach called ours and said he doesn't know why we we're struggling so much and why we can't pull out wins. We gave his team the hardest game they'd played all year just like we'd done for Manchester at our home floor by taking them into overtime, but always the same outcome. A loss. I've heard coaches say that you learn in losing. Going undefeated all season and then heading into a tournament may not prove beneficial because if a team hasn't faced defeat and had to improve things, hasn't had to change things then they may get upset at the end of the season. 1 loss is ok, 2 losses, 3, 4, but now we're working our way up to 20 losses and it's hard not to get discouraged. It's hard not to hang your head after another loss and it's hard to believe we can win. I know we have the ability and the potential but I don't know if we've seen what our team is really made of this year or we've been able to put a run of plays or good basketball together to get key wins. ....

I started this post about 3 or 4 days ago and set it aside and thought I'd come back to it with some words of wisdom or something would spark my interest and get me writing again, but nothing did. We lost again on Saturday to Franklin and words can't describe the feeling when your team hits 20 losses on the season. I'm at that point where losing becomes numbing and the numbness begins to feel like an everyday occurrence. My friends and family are beginning to see the change in my personality and my passions. I'm changing and the numbness of losing and the team is a huge part of that. As this may be my last year of college basketball, I sit and wonder what has come out of this season. What have I learned if anything about playing basketball and with this team? Have I learned anything about myself? The truth is.. I don't know. It's something I need to think long and hard about because it may be the only way to pull something positive from such a season.